Hitched

We did it!

On May 3, 2014 in New York City, Jared and I became husband and wife. And all I can say about that is: phew.

I had so much anxiety in the last few weeks of our engagement at the reality that I was going to be in a marriage again. And you know what?

There was nothing to worry about.

The moment I saw Jared on our wedding day, I felt such an overwhelming feeling of peace. We could not stop smiling at one another the entire morning, and as soon as we were pronounced husband and wife, I tangibly felt a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. I had a moment with my mother after the wedding and all I could say was, “I feel so much lighter.” That battle of “Should I get married again? and “Is this really the right thing to do?” and even the tag that “I am divorced” was — poof — gone. It was the lightest I had felt in a long time. I am so grateful.

We are now two months in to this whole party and honestly, it has been so much easier than I expected. Jared assured me leading up to our wedding day that very little would change from dating to marriage, and aside from moving into his bachelor pad and a few other aspects of our relationship  (ahem), there hasn’t been that much of a difference. No surprises. No secrets. We just laugh a lot more now…. and make mango smoothies every night before we go to bed.

You guys, there was nothing to worry about.

Remembering past falls

I took a nice, long, overdue walk through Central Park Sunday morning. The yellow leaves were falling from the trees and being swept away by the wind. It was cloudy and drizzling just a tad-enough to make you want to cuddle under the covers and eat some sort of carbohydrate made with pumpkin. I love this time of year.

Fall has become a rather sentimental period for me. The colors, the changes, that crispness in the air...I find myself continually taken back to this time two years ago. It reminds me of packing up my apartment and selling my reupholstered green wingback chair that I had once imagined my future children sitting in. It reminds me of hugging my ex-husband goodbye after signing the last of the divorce papers.  He wanted to remain friends, but I knew deep down it was the last time I would ever see him. It reminds me of sitting down to dinner with my parents and sister, who graciously let me move back into my childhood home for a year. It reminds me of spending Thanksgiving in Cancun with my mom, aunt and uncle. My aunt had insisted that I join her on her annual Mexico vacation after she found out about the divorce. We laughed so much during that trip. I still remember my mom and I giggling in the airport security line at the TSA agent who was more like a drill sergeant. It reminds me of flipping through vocab. flash cards in my cubicle at work as I studied for the GRE and imagined a future in New York. It reminds me of going to my friend's wedding in Utah. I hadn't told any of my friends about the divorce at that point as I didn't want to put a damper on the day. I remember driving my rental car to the wedding location and giving myself a pep talk. "If you can hold it together for the wedding," I told myself, "then you can cry as much as you need to tonight when you're back in the hotel room." It reminds me of the overwhelming amount of love and support that I was shown by so many people during that fall season. I tear up just thinking about it.

Oddly, I miss that fall so much. There is an amazing sense of clarity that comes in challenging times. I knew exactly what mattered and didn't care much to spend my energy on anything that didn't. I have tried so hard to hold on to that clarity, but I find it often gets muddled. To be honest, that really terrifies me. Here's to continually being grateful for our hard times, for grasping on to a clear perspective, recognizing what really matters and not spending energy on anything that doesn't.

That One Time I Tried Online Dating

My profile picture taken at work on a cell phone. I was not taking this online dating business seriously.

My name is Amy Eley. And I met my boyfriend...online.

Gasp!

Okay, so perhaps there's not really a gasp. Online dating is becoming more prevalent, after all. But I still do pause for a moment whenever someone asks how Jared and I met. It was totally on the World Wide Web. Here's how it all started...

Once my divorce went through, I felt really ready to start dating again. I wasn't anxious to get into anything serious, but I wanted to meet some good men and have hope for my future. The problem was that I really didn't know how to go about it. Most of my friends were married and I struggled to tap into the single scene in Denver completely alone. My girlfriend, Margo, had the time of her life on a dating website (and yes, she actually ended up marrying one of the men she met!), so she eventually started pushing me to make a profile and just see what happened.

Late one night, I bit the bullet. I created a profile on a dating website and within 20 minutes of browsing its members, I freaked out. Send a flirt? A hug? And the dreaded "About Me" section! I couldn't do it. I cancelled my membership, slammed my laptop shut and wiped my hands clean of that idea.

A few weeks went by and Margo slowly began coaxing me back. "You don't have to meet the love of your life," she told me. "Just have some fun."

One month. That's all I would have to give it. Just set up a profile for one month and then I can close the "My Experience Online Dating" chapter of my life.

Well, that short month would change everything....