Changing my name

I am in the throes of the name change process which has me feeling all sorts of things.

Hitched

We did it!

On May 3, 2014 in New York City, Jared and I became husband and wife. And all I can say about that is: phew.

I had so much anxiety in the last few weeks of our engagement at the reality that I was going to be in a marriage again. And you know what?

There was nothing to worry about.

The moment I saw Jared on our wedding day, I felt such an overwhelming feeling of peace. We could not stop smiling at one another the entire morning, and as soon as we were pronounced husband and wife, I tangibly felt a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. I had a moment with my mother after the wedding and all I could say was, “I feel so much lighter.” That battle of “Should I get married again? and “Is this really the right thing to do?” and even the tag that “I am divorced” was — poof — gone. It was the lightest I had felt in a long time. I am so grateful.

We are now two months in to this whole party and honestly, it has been so much easier than I expected. Jared assured me leading up to our wedding day that very little would change from dating to marriage, and aside from moving into his bachelor pad and a few other aspects of our relationship  (ahem), there hasn’t been that much of a difference. No surprises. No secrets. We just laugh a lot more now…. and make mango smoothies every night before we go to bed.

You guys, there was nothing to worry about.

The Week of Our Wedding

This post is more meant for my journal, but that little book is packed away in a box, so we're sending it out on the blogosphere for friends, strangers and potential employers to read. Hey everyone!

The last five months have been a complete whirlwind. Well, let's face it. The last three years have been a whirlwind, but ever since Jared put a ring on it, life seemed to slam on that gas pedal.

I sit here now typing in my Upper West Side apartment on the week of our wedding. On Thursday morning, the movers will come and move my things to Jared's apartment. I'll wave goodbye to my view of the most charming water tower you have ever seen, blow a kiss to Matt Damon's (former) building across the street and close the door to my little piece of Manhattan. I have lived here longer than I have lived anywhere in the last 10 years, and this little spot has been so special to me during the last two years. I started graduate school with this home. I worked late, late, late nights typing away in this room. I dressed up for dates, rode out a hurricane, collapsed on the bed after red-eye flights, finished graduate school, interviewed for jobs, accepted my position at NBC and so much more surrounded by these walls. This place is a piece of me and I ache to say goodbye.

Hours after moving, my momma will land, followed by the rest of our families, including my brother all the way from China and our dear friends from California to Mississippi. Jared and I will be family by the weeks' end. And that is just crazy to me sometimes.

One thing my first marriage taught me is that marriage is crazy. I walked away thinking I never, ever wanted to do that again. And those memories still tug at me. So why go for another round?

Because Jared is my best friend and I want a family with him. I see that. I want that. And God willing, that's an upcoming chapter in my life. Those tidbits are the sweet parts of doing this. I also know that the painful growing pains, they will in fact be growing pains. I am stepping into a lifetime of practicing choosing love and compassion in countless circumstances.

I don't think I feel as put together as I thought I would be at this point. I'm still figuring out how to take care of Amy and have a few walls remaining from round one. The engagement has been mostly fun, special and loving, but the last two weeks have been particularly difficult as anxieties set in. But I'm also marrying a guy who is as patient as they come. He has stood on the sidelines for two-plus years waiting to step up.

Marriage can be terrifying, but this week (and for weeks, months, decades to come), I am choosing to be brave. I am choosing love, compassion, courage, hope all wrapped up in that tall, sweet man of mine. 

Cheese Wedding Cake

Jared and I have barely dipped our toes into planning our wedding...But I spotted this stroke of genius earlier today before work. A cheese wedding cake!



Would you do something like this? While I would go for this any day,  Jared and I are thinking of ordering our guests our favorite red velvet cheesecakes from here. During our first year in NYC, we would use any excuse to stop by and pick one up to share.

Resolutions in three words

It's the second day of the new year. Are you already slipping on your resolutions? I schlepped to Trader Joes in the rain earlier this week to stock up on fruits and vegetables (trying to recover from my graduate school diet, which was....less than stellar). Here's a little trick I read about last night that could help keep us all in line!

Chris Brogan chooses three words to focus on his New Year's resolutions.

The idea is that you choose three words that will remind you of the steps you want to take to achieve your goals. So for example, if your resolution is to lose weight and you want to do this by eating more plant-based foods, you might choose the word "green."

"The words you choose will go past being a simple goal and will become part of the way you identify yourself," he writes, "and thus, a guiding light for your efforts."

I tried this with my (very long) list of 2014 resolutions and came up with: vegetables, one and weekly. Any guesses what my goals for the new year are?

Happy New Year!

Happy 2014, friends!

A year ago, I predicted 2013 would be a year of hard work.

I was spot on.

But folks, the hard work paid off and I'm kicking off 2014 with a full-time job at the "Today" show, engaged (what?!) and tickled to still be living in the greatest city in the world. It feels very surreal. Too good to be true, frankly. But I'm taking deep breaths and trying to soak it all in.

I think 2014 is going to be about setting new beginnings, new goals, new chapters. Here's to a new year, folks! I hope it's a grand one.

(Photo: WeHeartIt.com)

Engaged

While on vacation last week in Mexico, Jared asked me if I would marry him.

And I said yes. 

Remembering past falls

I took a nice, long, overdue walk through Central Park Sunday morning. The yellow leaves were falling from the trees and being swept away by the wind. It was cloudy and drizzling just a tad-enough to make you want to cuddle under the covers and eat some sort of carbohydrate made with pumpkin. I love this time of year.

Fall has become a rather sentimental period for me. The colors, the changes, that crispness in the air...I find myself continually taken back to this time two years ago. It reminds me of packing up my apartment and selling my reupholstered green wingback chair that I had once imagined my future children sitting in. It reminds me of hugging my ex-husband goodbye after signing the last of the divorce papers.  He wanted to remain friends, but I knew deep down it was the last time I would ever see him. It reminds me of sitting down to dinner with my parents and sister, who graciously let me move back into my childhood home for a year. It reminds me of spending Thanksgiving in Cancun with my mom, aunt and uncle. My aunt had insisted that I join her on her annual Mexico vacation after she found out about the divorce. We laughed so much during that trip. I still remember my mom and I giggling in the airport security line at the TSA agent who was more like a drill sergeant. It reminds me of flipping through vocab. flash cards in my cubicle at work as I studied for the GRE and imagined a future in New York. It reminds me of going to my friend's wedding in Utah. I hadn't told any of my friends about the divorce at that point as I didn't want to put a damper on the day. I remember driving my rental car to the wedding location and giving myself a pep talk. "If you can hold it together for the wedding," I told myself, "then you can cry as much as you need to tonight when you're back in the hotel room." It reminds me of the overwhelming amount of love and support that I was shown by so many people during that fall season. I tear up just thinking about it.

Oddly, I miss that fall so much. There is an amazing sense of clarity that comes in challenging times. I knew exactly what mattered and didn't care much to spend my energy on anything that didn't. I have tried so hard to hold on to that clarity, but I find it often gets muddled. To be honest, that really terrifies me. Here's to continually being grateful for our hard times, for grasping on to a clear perspective, recognizing what really matters and not spending energy on anything that doesn't.

Tonight You Belong To Me

Jared's friend made this sweet video with his daughter when she was scared of the fireworks outside. I've been watching it over and over in between prepping for interviews. What a sweet dad! And what an adorable little girl! And how do I teach my child to harmonize?!

That One Time I Tried Online Dating: Part 3

Read part one and part two.

Now let's make something clear before going any further. I would not agree to pick up some guy at the airport that I had talked to only via email without doing some background research. I didn't want to make headlines as a missing person and become the main character on an episode of "Dateline." Fortunately, my girlfriend, Chelsey, recognized someone in one of Jared's online pictures (oh gosh, this online dating world sounds so crazy as I type it out). It just so happened to be Chelsey's husband's cousin and after a little investigating, we learned her husband's cousin was Jared's roommate. Following?? On top of that, I have a friend who teaches at Jared's school and he confirmed that Jared was who he said he was. I considered the guy vetted.

The day of the date arrived and oh my goodness, my mind was moving a million miles a minute. I couldn't think a straight sentence! I stopped by Chelsey's house on the way to the airport to get any final words of encouragement. With her son bouncing on her hip, she tried to calm my nerves but nothing was going to stop my mind from racing. It was time to rip the Band-Aid off and do this. I said a quick prayer and off I went to the airport.

That One Time I Tried Online Dating: Part Two

Read part one here.

After typing in my credit card number for the required $15 membership fee, I uploaded my picture, typed in a few sentences for my profile page and filled out about 60 percent of the site's personality test.

Then....Then I didn't do a whole lot.

As I had learned during my first go-around on the dating site, I wasn't really interested in that many of the eligible men. There was actually only one man on the entire site that I thought was attractive. Some guy finishing his MBA at Ohio State. Seeing as that was hundreds of miles away, I didn't think that road was worth pursuing.

I checked the site every few days to see if there was anyone new or to respond to any "flirts" or messages sent my way. I exchanged a few messages with a guy named Sherman from Utah and a 51-year-old man invited me to take a midnight ride in his convertible. Both of those fizzled fast.

I was catching up with Margo one afternoon and telling her that the month was a total flop.

"There isn't anyone you're interested in?," she asked. I did a quick scan in my mind through the profiles I had seen.

"Nope, no one," I reported. "There was one cute guy in Ohio but, well, he's in Ohio."

Margo told me to message him and see what happens. I hesitated, but Margo and I basically came to the conclusion that I literally had nothing to lose at this point in my life.

Days later, I pulled up his profile and clicked "Message." I received a few messages during my month experiment, and let's just say there are very few ways to send an email to someone you've never met and let them know you're interested without sounding completely creepy.

So now with it being my turn to initiate a conversation, I knew I was attempting the impossible.

"A 51-year-old man is trying to date me. How's the site working out for you?"

A few days went by. No response. I figured that was that and looked forward to my move to New York City where I would more fully embrace dating.

Then one day, an email popped up in my inbox.

"Hi! Sorry it took me a while to reply. I had cancelled my subscription and was debating whether or not I should renew. I haven't had any cougar problems, but a 50-year-old woman is a lot less creepy than a 50-year-old man. Anyways, my name is Jared."

Jared. That's a name I now say and think about hundreds of times a day. But this, this was the first time.

He asked me about my life in Colorado. He told me about living in Columbus and missing the Utah mountains that he had grown accustomed to while he was going to college there. We talked about goals after school, our travel adventures, how I play a mean game of Scrabble, our families, my divorce, religion...Within a week, we were emailing several times a day and loving getting to know one another. I knew it would eventually fizzle out, seeing as we were so far apart, but it was just fun to have emails to look forward to.

Then one night, I was at Anthropologie returning something after having dinner with my parents. While the sales person was processing my refund, I pulled up my email on my phone to see another note from Jared.

"Hey, so I was looking at my itinerary for my trip to Salt Lake City next month and I have a layover in Denver. I am fairly certain that I can get a flight out of Salt Lake City a lot earlier in the day. Would you be interested in hanging out for half of the day? I thought it would be a good opportunity. If you don't want to, I understand."

I specifically remember feeling my face light up. My dad noticed too and asked what it was that I read. I quickly said something about getting a nice email from a friend. That wasn't a lie, right? It was technically a nice email from a friend. I actually kept Jared a secret for a while, except for a few girlfriends. I felt oddly protective of this new friendship and wanted to keep it safe.

It was not like me to do this. To email with some guy. To agree to meet him. Especially a guy like Jared. I had seen a few pictures of him and I felt like I was playing with someone way out of my league. I was just pretending the last few weeks. I couldn't possibly meet the guy...

Well, could I possibly meet the guy?

My girlfriend, Chelsey, was one of the few who knew about the emails. She asked me what I was going to do when I told her he wanted to meet.

"Well....I think I have to meet him."

That One Time I Tried Online Dating

My profile picture taken at work on a cell phone. I was not taking this online dating business seriously.

My name is Amy Eley. And I met my boyfriend...online.

Gasp!

Okay, so perhaps there's not really a gasp. Online dating is becoming more prevalent, after all. But I still do pause for a moment whenever someone asks how Jared and I met. It was totally on the World Wide Web. Here's how it all started...

Once my divorce went through, I felt really ready to start dating again. I wasn't anxious to get into anything serious, but I wanted to meet some good men and have hope for my future. The problem was that I really didn't know how to go about it. Most of my friends were married and I struggled to tap into the single scene in Denver completely alone. My girlfriend, Margo, had the time of her life on a dating website (and yes, she actually ended up marrying one of the men she met!), so she eventually started pushing me to make a profile and just see what happened.

Late one night, I bit the bullet. I created a profile on a dating website and within 20 minutes of browsing its members, I freaked out. Send a flirt? A hug? And the dreaded "About Me" section! I couldn't do it. I cancelled my membership, slammed my laptop shut and wiped my hands clean of that idea.

A few weeks went by and Margo slowly began coaxing me back. "You don't have to meet the love of your life," she told me. "Just have some fun."

One month. That's all I would have to give it. Just set up a profile for one month and then I can close the "My Experience Online Dating" chapter of my life.

Well, that short month would change everything....

A Day On Cherry Creek Reservoir

One of my favorite things to do when I'm in Denver is to roll out of bed, go to Einstein Bros. Bagels for Diet Coke (they have the best Diet Coke) and then hop on the boat to cruise Cherry Creek Reservoir with my family. And that's exactly what we did Saturday morning.





^^^This boy said that the dog just hops on the paddle board! No coaxing needed!^^^



^^^There's something about those yellow cups. They make the Diet Coke that much better.^^^



^^^My mom's a total babe.^^^



^^^My little sister was home for the weekend from Salt Lake City. It's always the best when the Eley girls are reunited.^^^



^^^Cassie's out.^^^

I love being out on the water, and fortunately, I'll be back in Colorado in a few short weeks. But I'm dying to get out on the Hudson. I hear there are free kayak rentals off of Riverside Park. Has anyone tried it?

Royal Baby Name

Across the pond, the royal family is about to get one more family member and people in Great Britain are taking bets as to the name of the future heir. Here are where the rankings lie...

A Tip For Friends Of Divorcees

While I was in Denver a few weeks ago, I came upon boxes that I had packed away years ago during my divorce. Finding these boxes now is such a treat. Not because inside lies treasures (Anthropologie bowls!), but because inside each box panel is a special note from a dear friend who helped me pack my apartment during that time.

Also, on that note, here's a little tip for how you can help someone going through a divorce: If he or she is moving out of the apartment, offer to help sift through belongings.

Every couple separates things up differently, but in my case, my ex and I didn't care much about who got what. I was ready to pack up my clothes and be done with it. I'm so thankful now that I had a friend there to pack away some dishes, knives (which can really be quite expensive), books, decor, etc.

It sounds so trivial, and really it is, but when I started all over here in New York, it was so nice to find that I already had many of those staples. I do still kick myself, however, for not going through the toolbox! I miss that staple gun!

A Date

Photo from here.

Today is my last day in the city before heading home for Christmas.

I'm not quite ready to leave yet. I know I've done a view odes to New York during the holidays but wow, there is really nothing like it.

I'll be finishing up holiday shopping in Chinatown and the Upper West Side. Tonight, I have a date with the man who's holding my heart these days. He asked that we deliver a turkey dinner to a family in need rather than see "A Christmas Story" on Broadway.

Yes, my dear, we can do that.

Holidays In NYC With My Best Girls

My momma and best friend flew in last weekend for a few days of heavy holiday spirit. We packed in the Rockettes, ice skating at Rockefeller Center, seeing Natalie Hill in The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, the windows at Macy's, Bergdorf's, pedicabs, walking through the holiday markets, cheesecake at Magnolia Bakery, FAO Schwartz, late night laughing and certainly a dozen other things I'm forgetting at the moment.

I'm thankful for these women, that they would pause their lives to come see me. In the midst of tragedy in Connecticut, I tried to soak up every minute with these two. Enjoying their company, their goodness. I continually had a prayer in my heart of gratitude.

How I miss them.

Handmade Ornaments

Photo from here.

The New York City streets are lined with Christmas trees. No tree lots here. I'd trade the usual smell of exhaust and garbage for the smell of pine any day! I did a little write up on the BEST handmade ornaments this season has to offer for Gallant & Jones. You can see what I found here.

Writing that post and smelling the trees makes me miss having a tree of my own. This is the first Christmas in years that I haven't had one. Somewhere in the attic in Denver is a small collection of ornaments I shared with my ex. I can't wait to iron out the wrinkles in my favorite tree skirt and hang those ornaments once again. I was worried when I packed them away last year that using them again would be too painful. Now? I can't wait. They are, after all, a part of my story.

Being Happy Regardless

A peaceful early morning on the UWS.

It's 6:30 a.m. and this is the first "free" time I have had in days! Hunting down sources, classes, Final Cut Pro training, church, date, homework....Folks, I am exhausted. Yet every time I open my mouth to complain, I can't. I just can't. I am so thankful to be in graduate school. I am so thrilled to be living in Manhattan. I'm living my dream. There is nothing to complain about there.

I have been giving thought the past few days to this talk from a recent church event. Being happy despite external circumstances. My grandpa used to say "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it." Last year was probably the first time in my life where I could have easily resigned myself to a state of depression and no one would have judged. Now I had my hard days, they are documented here. But I also realized early on that I could not change my ex-husband's mind to leave. The only control I had over the situation was control over myself, my reactions, my life, from the moment that apartment door shut.

So I surrounded myself with positive people, bought myself lipstick, and truly found joy in the journey. My mother used to have a little countdown for me and my move to New York because she thought that was when my life would start again. But you guys? It never stopped! Days were not waisted in despair and that year turned out to be one of the best in my life.

Are you being faced with crummy circumstances? How have you found happiness in less than ideal times?

Ramblings About Identity

It has been a tougher week this week! But I'm surviving and am only days away from an amazing weekend of edification and inspiration from speakers in my church in an event named General Conference. You can watch too, here! Let me tell you, I so need this weekend.

I have become increasingly terrified of losing myself. Or perhaps I've already lost myself? Or am in process? I don't think any of the above is in fact true, but it's been on my mind this week.

I feel like through our toughest moments, we come to understand who we really are. What we are really capable of. It provides this amazing driving force that takes down fears and embraces new opportunities. I loved that. It made the hard times of last year completely worth it and in fact, I think last year's experience was essential to my growth. I'm grateful for that experience of divorce. Truly 100% grateful.

But I'm on to a new chapter now. I'm in a new city, doing new things, dating new people, making new friends. And I have become so terrified but losing that grip on who I really am. I feel like unless I treat myself so carefully and don't let anyone in, I can protect that identity. I think the former part of that sentence is okay. It's the latter part that is hard. Not letting anyone in? Is that what I really want? Is that the only way to keep a firm understanding and hold on the power of identity?

There's a taste of my Thursday morning....Off to yoga...