How I Party

With no work for the rest of the week, tonight was my "Friday" night.

How did I spend it?

Cuddled up to a bunch of glossy magazines.

And a little grin knowing that amidst the madness of moving, I'm headed right where I'm supposed to be.

Ramblings About Moving to Manhattan

Remember how I'm moving to New York City?

Let me take a moment to let that sink in again. YES!!

With the big move only 6 weeks away, there is a bit of anxiety in this body of mine.

Like a pinball, my thoughts lately have been bouncing between "Apartment...Need to buy a mattress....Do I want firm or plush?....Roommates....I'm going to have roommates again....School....I need to buy a MacBook Pro....New or old version?.....Oh my gosh I need to buy an iron....How did I not realize I need to buy an iron?....What other things do I need to buy?....Student Loans.....Ugh....Hm how do I want my apartment to look?....Need to go do my laundry....Shoot I'll need to buy a laundry basket when I get there....OH MY GOSH I'M MOVING TO NEW YORK CITY!"

That's just a little .3 second blip of what's happening in this brain. I have to say, however, that amidst the stress, I have been very blessed. I found the perfect apartment in the exact part of Manhattan I was hoping to be in at the right price point. Whew, what a relief! And I can't help but daydream about how I'm going to decorate that sucker.

I am looking forward to being on my own. And really, how much more "on your own" do you get other than New York? It's going to be an adventure! I hope you stick around :) .

What Would You Tell Your 14-Year-Old Self?

Have you seen The Conversation yet?

It's a series on Lifetime (which should sell you already) with Amanda de Cadenet. She discusses topics that pertain to women with "anyone who has a story to tell". Gwyneth Paltrow discussed losing parents and post-partum depression, Olivia Wilde spoke words about her divorce that pierced my heart, Kelly Preston disclosed the feelings of losing a son...It's a really beautifully done series that is inspiring as a woman and as a journalist. I jot down so many notes from these shows, many of which I want to discuss here. But for today, I want to talk about this.

At the conclusion of each episode, Amanda asks a series of questions, one of which is "What would you tell your 14-year-old self?".

So I ask you: What would you tell your 14-year-old self?

Some of my thoughts...

You are capable of SO much more thank you think you are.

Go for the cute guy.

 

Half Marathon Recap

I landed at the Provo Airport on Friday evening a little wide-eyed, nervous, but feeling as ready as I was going to be. Looking back, it was a bit symbolic being in Provo, a town that held memories of a past life and here I was to conquer my impossible. I walked off the plane and within 30 seconds, I was handed a Diet Coke from Margo, my friend who drove from Las Vegas to run with me, and we were off to the packet pick-up. I chatted with her about my nerves for the next morning but felt in safe hands since this was her third half marathon. Before we knew it, it was 11 pm which was incredibly unfortunate since we had to wake up at 3 am for the race.

Yes folks, 3 am.

To run.

That next early, early, early morning, we showed up to our buses. It's a bit like your worst nightmare, really. We loaded on the bus and were shuffled off to the middle of a canyon, where we were dropped off. Margo and I looked at each other and it hit us. The only way home is to run to our car.

"Well", Margo said. "If we're going to do this....And it looks like we are....We need to just keep running".

Approaching the starting line was surreal. While 13.1 miles seems incredibly daunting, the second you take that first step, the distance lessens. I'll never forget seeing the crowd of people all winding our way through the canyon, the tunnels, and into Utah Valley. Margo and I lost each other, as we thought we would, so it was me, the pavement and strangers.

I wanted to turn to those running around me and ask why they were running. What happened to you that made you decide to do this? I couldn't help but feel we were all doing this for the same reason. We were all discovering the secret in life...That we can do the impossible things. It truly felt like we were uncovering this hidden, powerful truth.

I remember the first 8 miles flying by relatively quickly. It wasn't easy, I know that. I can vividly remember thinking "Okay, I'm glad I'm doing this but I never need to do this again". Mile 9 came and I felt my body become so physically exhausted. I felt every step of the last 4 miles. Every. Single. Step. But again, I was inspired by those around me and continually wondered what deeper challenges were being overcome that day. Divorce? Death? Insecurities? There was more there then our shoes and the road. That I could feel.

During the last 3 miles, my iPhone began beeping. I was running with it as it had my playlist on it. I discovered text messages from loved ones, each cheering me on and rooting for me. For a split second, I thought "No, I need to do this alone". I immediately felt prompted that no, I was not meant to do this alone. I don't have to do difficult things alone and it's okay to embrace the love of others! With support or without support, I was still going to cross that finish line. But why not have the cheerleaders and loved ones by my side to prop me up when I'm (literally) aching all over? It was a really poignant thought, something I'm still pondering.

I think I actually had a continual prayer going the entire race. I felt incredibly close to God during those hours. I think, in some ways, closer than I had in a while. It's beautiful how near He is in our physically and/or emotionally challenging times.

Two hours and twenty minutes later, I entered the final chute. I had done it. The finish line was rapidly approaching and my impossible journey was now achieved. I crossed the finish line, downed 10 cups of water, sent a text to loved ones that I had made it, and then the tears came. They didn't last long but oh, how proud I was.

I don't think I have ever, EVER been that proud of myself. And I continue to be. I can make myself happy. You guys, truly if I can run a half-marathon, I can do ANYTHING. It was a beautiful, empowering, spiritual moment that has brought me so much joy. I feel like that race shook up and placed all of my priorities back in their proper place and now I'm moving forward with empowerment that I don't know I could have achieved any other way.

Oh, and that thought about never having to run a half marathon again? I purchased new running shoes last night and am anxiously searching for another race :) .

Why A Girl Who Hated Running Signed Up For a Half Marathon

I think June 9th may have been one of the best days of my life. Which sounds crazy because it was the day I ran a half marathon.

Side note: I would NEVER have thought one of the best days of my life would include running.

Back story behind the madness: Last year was a doozy. I've mentioned it briefly here but my divorce was the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life. In the midst of the separation and divorce, I decided to take the GRE and apply to graduate school. Now try going through the deepest heartbreak of your life, the identity change, depression, and endless paperwork that comes with that heartbreak all while studying for a seemingly impossible test. People ask me how I did it and truthfully, I went numb there for a while. I think one way to cope with our trials is to hunker down and do what you have to do.

Well my approach to the GRE was basically "I am going to bomb this and I won't get it anywhere but let's just get it done so I can move on from the graduate school bug". Over the weeks of studying, I somehow convinced myself that I wasn't going to bomb this and graduate school was actually a possibility. As it turns out, I didn't bomb it at all. And I'm going to graduate school. Well, that got me thinking....What other impossible things can I do?

In fact, what is the most impossible thing in my world? The answer was easy.

Running.

The numbness may have added a bit to this decision because at that point, I just wanted to feel again. Even if it was heart-racing, gasping pain, I was ready to feel it. So the idea of a half marathon was planted in my head.

I started jogging a bit here and there. I basically repeated Week 1 of Hal Higdon's program for 2 months...Come February, I knew that if I was going to actually do this, it was time to register for a race to have some accountability and get cracking. I called up a girlfriend of mine and we decided the Utah Valley Half Marathon was where it was at and with $70 and a Frontier flight, I was Provo bound. Now it was time to work.

I followed Higdon program religiously. I'd wake up at 4:30 am to eat something, then sleep until 5:30 am and be pounding the pavement by 6. Even then I'd be late to work sometimes. Hindsight, I think my training here followed the same path as the GRE.

I'm going to bomb this but why not give it a go?

Then after a while it became..

Hmm...I'm actually able to run 7 miles...Maybe I could run the whole 13.1...

The week before the race I realized I could not only do this but I may do pretty well.

Folks, June 9th was a day to remember in my book. Race recap tomorrow...