This post is more meant for my journal, but that little book is packed away in a box, so we're sending it out on the blogosphere for friends, strangers and potential employers to read. Hey everyone!
The last five months have been a complete whirlwind. Well, let's face it. The last three years have been a whirlwind, but ever since Jared put a ring on it, life seemed to slam on that gas pedal.
I sit here now typing in my Upper West Side apartment on the week of our wedding. On Thursday morning, the movers will come and move my things to Jared's apartment. I'll wave goodbye to my view of the most charming water tower you have ever seen, blow a kiss to Matt Damon's (former) building across the street and close the door to my little piece of Manhattan. I have lived here longer than I have lived anywhere in the last 10 years, and this little spot has been so special to me during the last two years. I started graduate school with this home. I worked late, late, late nights typing away in this room. I dressed up for dates, rode out a hurricane, collapsed on the bed after red-eye flights, finished graduate school, interviewed for jobs, accepted my position at NBC and so much more surrounded by these walls. This place is a piece of me and I ache to say goodbye.
Hours after moving, my momma will land, followed by the rest of our families, including my brother all the way from China and our dear friends from California to Mississippi. Jared and I will be family by the weeks' end. And that is just crazy to me sometimes.
One thing my first marriage taught me is that marriage is crazy. I walked away thinking I never, ever wanted to do that again. And those memories still tug at me. So why go for another round?
Because Jared is my best friend and I want a family with him. I see that. I want that. And God willing, that's an upcoming chapter in my life. Those tidbits are the sweet parts of doing this. I also know that the painful growing pains, they will in fact be growing pains. I am stepping into a lifetime of practicing choosing love and compassion in countless circumstances.
I don't think I feel as put together as I thought I would be at this point. I'm still figuring out how to take care of Amy and have a few walls remaining from round one. The engagement has been mostly fun, special and loving, but the last two weeks have been particularly difficult as anxieties set in. But I'm also marrying a guy who is as patient as they come. He has stood on the sidelines for two-plus years waiting to step up.
Marriage can be terrifying, but this week (and for weeks, months, decades to come), I am choosing to be brave. I am choosing love, compassion, courage, hope all wrapped up in that tall, sweet man of mine.
