Oxblood Cords

I have three really tough things to do this week. But if I get them done, I earn myself a sweet prize for the weekend (TBA). So we're going to power on through wearing these oxblood cords (color of the season!) I bought at Uniqlo over the weekend.

And did you know Uniqlo hems pants for free? Picking them up this afternoon.

This post over at Mara's blog is tugging at my heart a little bit this morning. 

Being Happy Regardless

A peaceful early morning on the UWS.

It's 6:30 a.m. and this is the first "free" time I have had in days! Hunting down sources, classes, Final Cut Pro training, church, date, homework....Folks, I am exhausted. Yet every time I open my mouth to complain, I can't. I just can't. I am so thankful to be in graduate school. I am so thrilled to be living in Manhattan. I'm living my dream. There is nothing to complain about there.

I have been giving thought the past few days to this talk from a recent church event. Being happy despite external circumstances. My grandpa used to say "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it." Last year was probably the first time in my life where I could have easily resigned myself to a state of depression and no one would have judged. Now I had my hard days, they are documented here. But I also realized early on that I could not change my ex-husband's mind to leave. The only control I had over the situation was control over myself, my reactions, my life, from the moment that apartment door shut.

So I surrounded myself with positive people, bought myself lipstick, and truly found joy in the journey. My mother used to have a little countdown for me and my move to New York because she thought that was when my life would start again. But you guys? It never stopped! Days were not waisted in despair and that year turned out to be one of the best in my life.

Are you being faced with crummy circumstances? How have you found happiness in less than ideal times?

Ramblings About Identity

It has been a tougher week this week! But I'm surviving and am only days away from an amazing weekend of edification and inspiration from speakers in my church in an event named General Conference. You can watch too, here! Let me tell you, I so need this weekend.

I have become increasingly terrified of losing myself. Or perhaps I've already lost myself? Or am in process? I don't think any of the above is in fact true, but it's been on my mind this week.

I feel like through our toughest moments, we come to understand who we really are. What we are really capable of. It provides this amazing driving force that takes down fears and embraces new opportunities. I loved that. It made the hard times of last year completely worth it and in fact, I think last year's experience was essential to my growth. I'm grateful for that experience of divorce. Truly 100% grateful.

But I'm on to a new chapter now. I'm in a new city, doing new things, dating new people, making new friends. And I have become so terrified but losing that grip on who I really am. I feel like unless I treat myself so carefully and don't let anyone in, I can protect that identity. I think the former part of that sentence is okay. It's the latter part that is hard. Not letting anyone in? Is that what I really want? Is that the only way to keep a firm understanding and hold on the power of identity?

There's a taste of my Thursday morning....Off to yoga...

Jimmy Fallon: Proof Is In The Pudding

Yes! That's me shaking J. Fall's hand!

And there I am again....creepily staring from afar.

Jimmy Fallon

Last fall, when everything seemed so despairing, Jimmy Fallon kept me laughing.

Every day at work, I would turn to an episode from Hulu while typing away. I'd try and hold in my laughs but I have no doubt that surrounding cubes could hear me cracking up. This clip will always be a favorite.

Yesterday, I dashed over from school to watch a taping of the show. It felt so surreal! At the end, I was able to shake his hand while inside I wanted to shout "THANK YOU for keeping me laughing during those months!"

My love affair with this city and all it holds continues....